Author Archives: fictionalpenguin

Requesting a little help for a friend in need

Posted on by under Misadventures in Non-Fiction

Well, I use the term friend a little loosely here because “fellow Twitter-beast/writer who happens to be a generally good person” doesn’t really roll off of the tongue. I’d say both titles are applicable for the sake of brevity.

Heather, who I better know as MortuaryReport, is currently facing her third surgery in the past sixteen months. As someone who has only undergone a small handful of minor surgeries (and I’m not referencing those cosmetic procedures wherein I needed painfully infected ingrown toenails removed in time to look my best for bikini season), I can only imagine 1) how stressful this in terms of any anxiety relating to the surgeries, 2) how stressful this is financially (insurance isn’t going to cover everything), and 3) how stressful it is in relation to work and being off for extended periods of time to recover. I’ve asked people to donate to Kickstarters in the past, as they were things I supported (the Girls Make Games Kickstarter campaign springs to mind). This week has left me a little less capable of handling words well, and so I will politely borrow-steal Mort’s in this case.

In the summer of 2014, Heather was finally diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome after a decade of dealing with undiagnosed, life-altering chronic pain.

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) is a chronic, systemic, degenerative collagen disorder that causes the body to produce collagen incorrectly. An inherited disorder, it’s poorly diagnosed and often misunderstood. Collagen is present in every part of the body, from your skin to your organs to your joints. Incorrect collagen production can affect everything from your memory to your sleeping patterns.

Because of EDS, Heather deals with daily joint dislocations and subluxations. She has spinal disc degeneration, loridosis, herniated discs, and a spinal hemangioma. Her body falls apart on a daily basis. She works fulltime as a funeral director and apprentice embalmer, helping the community and giving her all to the families she serves.

In 2013, she underwent two surgeries on her tempromandibular joint after it closed locked in her sleep. A hard-working funeral director, she missed out on almost 6 weeks worth of work. On the heels of her surgery came an unexpected divorce, two moves, and the loss of her military health insurance.

In 2014, just 16 months later, Heather underwent a lapidus bunionectomy to correct joint degeneration in her left foot. After painfully removing chunks of bone and inserting two screws, she still can’t bear any weight on her left foot at all. In order to get around on one foot, she’s had to purchase multiple assistive devices.

EDS also contributes to slow healing, and the bones in her foot are not suturing together at a regular rate. In addition to having missed six weeks of work, Heather must now cover additional costs for a bone-growth stimulator to encourage her foot to properly heal.

Despite overwhelming challenges over less than two years and a diagnosis of a lifelong disease, Heather has met them head-on and as gracefully as possible. Any and all funds will go to recoup medical fees and surgical costs as well as close the gap from missing months of work on unpaid leave.

Please help Heather literally get back on her feet! – See more at: http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/robofoot-for-heather-ratcliff/232285#sthash.CQ0gHLRX.dpuf

That’s lifted directly from Heather’s YouCaring page, which actually automatically appended a link when copied and pasted (which is pretty neat, but also seems an awful lot like witchcraft). Be awesome and help out; even a little bit goes a long way, I’m sure, and it might even go some distance towards a karmic balancing-out of the more dubious things you, dear readers, are guilty of. You all know what I’m talking about.

The link again, just in case it’s needed: http://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/robofoot-for-heather-ratcliff/232285

 

Misadventures in Moving

Posted on by under Uncategorized

Today was the first day in a line of many that will involve some level of moving things from my current residence to my new one. I’ll likely be doing some posts on how that’s going, if only because days like today leave me drained and I want to at least say I did something worthwhile. I did, however, have a snazzy idea for tomorrow’s post. No spoilers, though.

I’ll wrap up with a fun picture of my new living room, which will likely see many rearrangements before everything is in its right place.

The new living room furniture. Not pictured: the snazzy ladder-style bookshelves.

The new living room furniture. Not pictured: the snazzy ladder-style bookshelves.

The conundrum of writing as a gift

Posted on by under One Hundred Days of Blogging

Update: Special thanks to my mouse for bouncing around and giving me some interesting typos in the title/URL. Wheatley needs to stop being so damned uncooperative.

Better known as “the post that almost didn’t happen tonight because I’m feeling lazy, but I’m now trapped on the couch by two snoozing kittens and felt some weird sense of obligation”. Much too long of a title, really, so I went with my alternate choice.

I mentioned in last night’s post I’m making something I’m pretty sure is really awesome for two really great people who are now engaged. It was an idea I had actually plotted specifically for them, though it’s one that can be modified relatively easily and so on. The real conundrum, however, and probably something relating directly to my tendency to second-guess myself is as follows: is giving the gift of a written work, refined and dolled up especially well for the occasion, a really thoughtful gift or just a selfish flaunting of the author’s writing? I’m having trouble with words already, so this can only go downhill from here.

On one hand, when I write for people it’s like I’m giving the recipient a piece of my soul (joke’s on those people, as I obviously don’t have a soul). I use tremendous amounts of care in every aspect of the creative process, tailoring my work specifically for the person who will be getting it as a gift. I’d say it’s a very intimate, personal experience, but I honestly can’t think of a way to make writing a story for someone sound creepier than calling it anything involving the word intimate. I promise that’s the last time I’ll use that word in this post. Probably.

However, I can’t help but wonder if people who receive such gifts consider them as some sort of crappy writing exercise? A thoughtless, lazy throw-away instead of a purchased bauble. Something of that nature. I realize that, in most cases at least, people probably don’t think that way and it’s all in my head.

Fellow writers, how do you all feel about giving writing (short stories, essays, etc.) as a gift? Do you folks worry about what the people you’re gifting your writing to think of it?

An off-day day off

Posted on by under Uncategorized

Today was a monster, and so I’m recovering by doing some cleaning (yes, recovering by doing some cleaning; that’s a bit sad). I know I should do some creative writing, but my brain is a stagnant pool of disappointment. There is some good news, however, in the form of having a super-huge, super-secret project…that I can’t talk about because it’s a secret. It is, however, related to tomorrow’s planned post about making gifts out of creative stuff (writing, drawings, whatever). Serious business. Tonight, however, can be a small failure, no thanks to my mood and my laptop being an uncooperative assclown. Alternatively, I budgeted for days like this in my Hundred Days of Blogging madness.

Instead of enjoying my writing (hey, I can hope), here’s some music that helps me along as I write (and through life in general). Naturally, I claim no ownership of any of this music. It just helps keep me sane on days like today (when the internet apparently only works on devices I DON’T NEED THE INTERNET TO WORK ON; I’m looking at you, Wheatley, you lazy piece of circuitry). Anyway, onto the good stuff.

Coldplay – Viva la Vida

St. Vincent – Psychopath

Metric – Speed the Collapse

MSMR – Fantasy

(This one’s a bit trippy, but I love the song all the same.)

Delerium – Stargazing

 

What’s in a title: villain versus antagonist

Posted on by under One Hundred Days of Blogging

Today I learned the lawn at my new apartment is a real behemoth. Everything is actually quite sore. Fortunately for everyone, however, I will not be talking about that in this post. I also make no apologies for any typos that sneak through as my hands really hurt. God damn it.

There’s something about having a degree in English/Writing, being a writer, and a tremendous fondness of language that makes for me being picky about words. I focus on that before diving into this topic for a reason. I’ve heard two perspectives on this topic. One says that villains and antagonists are not the same thing, while others say those are two words for the same thing. Perhaps it’s a matter of perspective and how the writer, artist, director, or other creative-type is choosing to use the titles and their respective roles in the story? You could argue that, yes, and I’m sure it could be argued pretty well. This part, by the way, is a bit painful to admit.

They aren’t, at their core, the same thing. Both may spend portions of a story appearing to twirl their mustaches (lady villains and lady-antagonists don’t waste time with such frivolous appearance-based activities), but there are crucial differences that prevent the words from being interchangeable.  Continue reading →

Exploring the bourbon part of @SnarkAndBourbon

Posted on by under One Hundred Days of Blogging

It all started one Easter weekend at a family gathering. The poison in question? An ancient, perhaps somewhat dodgy bottle of Jack Daniel’s Old No. 7 that has been residing in the garage. After some coercing from my cousin, I did a shot of the stuff (on the basis that my sister’s boyfriend also did the same). I had no idea what to expect, but I still remember the vaguely smoke-flavored inferno that followed. My stomach didn’t seem particularly keen at first, but it accepted the odd intruder as it settled with the odd blend of various dishes I’d enjoyed for dinner. It was that Easter I swore I would never drink Jack Daniel’s again. Just wasn’t for me, I thought.

Anyone who knows my drinking habits, which have shifted and changed from my choosing to not really drink until after I’d turned twenty-two to my occasional drink (and my social drinking among friends, as witnessed during my last hoorah in Chicago recently), probably can vouch that a number of Jack Daniel’s products have become staples in my collection. I’m still not particularly fond of Old No. 7, but when I’m in the mood to celebrate I have no problem shelling out the necessary moolah for a bottle of Single Barrel Select.

Or social drinking before vacation, complete with best friend screwing around on his phone.

Or social drinking before vacation, complete with best friend screwing around on his phone.

Before I go on, I should point out how I really wanted to try Jack Daniel’s thanks to Neil Gaiman’s American Gods. For those of you who haven’t read it, correct that immediately. However, it was the enigmatic Mr. Wednesday’s drink of choice. When I pictured Mr. Wednesday drinking it, however, it was a full pint glass of the stuff. I can’t quite imagine anyone consuming the stuff that way now; to each their own, though.

My non-drinking gradually shifted after I had arrived in Edinboro. People wanted to hang out with me, and bars were a pretty ideal location. I, however, had very limited knowledge of mixed drinks at the time. I spent more time than I probably should have wondering about what the hell people ordered at bars. The good news: I had enough sense to keep it simple. This wasn’t going out clubbing; it was a college town bar (I mean no offense to The Empty Keg, of course, as it became my local haunt before I graduated), and that meant keeping things relatively simple. Not the sort of place that ordering a Manhattan would go over well. After a bit of thinking back to drinks I’d heard of, I blurted out an order for a whiskey sour. Since then I’ve been told how that’s an old-person’s drink, but I have no problem with that. Terrific stuff.

Eventually, and gradually, I started to try new whiskies and bourbons. At first they were purely used as mixers. It was usually whiskey and Coke or Pepsi. At one point I ended up trying Seagram’s 7 Dark Honey mixed with sweet tea. I can’t remember exactly when (insert joke about booze and memory here), but I started trying whiskeys and boubons on the rocks or straight up. I lack a sophisticated sense of taste in that I don’t necessarily pick up on all of the hints and notes of different tastes (sorry, Tullamore DEW, but your product is about the same as most others and I enjoy it all the same). My sister eventually bought me whiskey stones so I could enjoy chilled, undiluted whiskey and bourbon. The rest is just sort of history from there.

I like to make sure I branch out and try more than the few that I know I like, even if it can be a bit risky. Now…I could do a whole post on the Snark part of @SnarkAndBourbon, but lucky for everyone I’m…distracted by World of Warcraft. Ahem.

Problem-solving, and a terrific quote

Posted on by under One Hundred Days of Blogging

I was big on problem-solving today. I had the choice to either face the problems that have accrued lately or just say the hell with it and let them crush me. I chose the former, of course.

The good that came of those solutions is that I won’t have to work fourteen days in a row, even though I still have a couple double-shifts. Such is life. I also decided I need a new bank after finding out the replacement debit card I requested after the business with my previous one getting stolen (the info was stolen, anyway) had never actually been ordered/sent out/whatever. That’s some pro-level incompetence right there.

Tomorrow will feature a post about picking your poison, in which I talk about bourbon and my choices of booze. Monday will focus on the difference betwee villains and antiheroes (no spoilers for that yet). For now I’d like to share aa great post Joe Lansdale, an author whose wisdom I was pointed to by Zachary T. Owen (a writer of remarkable skill and wisdom of his own). I’ve not read any books by Joe Lansdale, but I think that’s something I need to correct eventually. Eventually. Hoping you all, dear readers, are having a great weekend. You should like Joe Lansdale’s Facebook page, by the way, and check out his works (like my lazy, simple self needs to as well). I lay no claim to this Facebook post, obviously; it’s just some damn good food for thought.

A vexing night

Posted on by under Uncategorized

This is going to be short, sweet, to the point, and a pretty healthy dose of “get your head out of your ass and move on already” for myself. That last bit’s kind of important, even if it’s a little selfish. It’s been a weird night of running into walls, struggling with inner demons, and other meaningful cliches for the headaches I associate with dwelling on the gap between where I’d like to be and where I presently feel I am.

Warning: There be some f-bombs a-lurkin’ in this here post.

I could easily put together a post on how many creative-types are weighed down by their own doubt, fear, self-loathing, and so much more (I came way too close to listing the various Sha there, and I’m not sorry to point that out). That’s very nearly what this would have been, but I couldn’t. It felt wrong and unpleasant. Plus it was the last thing I needed to read in the mood I’m in, and so I doubt it’s the sort of thing anyone else would want to read if they’re trying to muster up the energy to get back to work.

Here’s what I’d like this post to be instead. The instructions for myself and any other creative folks, or really anyone, who find themselves frustrated and feeling stuck.

Create. Don’t force it because it’ll only end in regret, but create as often and as passionately as possible. Build amazing, awe-inspiring worlds and populate them with characters both sympathetic and heroic as well as ones who are irredeemably loathsome. Let them move through lives that are only somewhat guided by the art you create and enjoy where things go. Don’t let the goddamn what-ifs and why-nots, the feelings of doubt and failure, all of the shit that makes creative types like myself into their own worst enemies. It accomplishes no good, and only results in nights spent after long days at work only thinking of the things you’ve not accomplished. What you haven’t done or where you think you should be. All of this instead of celebrating where you are and what you’ve accomplished.

I say this as someone who won a book contract, which should be a big deal for me as a writer. I’ve been so busy worrying about never managing to create something that big again and dwelling on how people will perceive my book being published not based on its merit but because of a contest victory.

Screw that.

There’s a reason the saying “Where there’s a will, there’s a way” has endured the test of time. My schedule may be a bit all over the place, and I may question my merit as a writer a good deal. I don’t have a five year plan or a ten year plan. Hell, I don’t even have a particularly well-assembled one year plan. While I recognize such things as long-term planning are crucial to being a successful artist, I’m pretty sure there’s more than one way to handle them.

Most importantly, and veering a little bit back from the rather self-centric post we have here, I hope any artist who finds this gets enough of a boost to keep going if that’s what they need at the time.

Going back to my post about almost being to Pumpkin Spice Season/Hot Apple Cider Season – I need to just focus on finding time to create, not worrying about the outcome. Far easier said than done, especially when every fiber of my being is saying to just go to sleep. What’s the point in busting my ass at a 9 to 5 if I’m not going to find time and energy to do what I love most (hint: I’m talking about writing).

So I end with a challenge to anyone who reads this. Create, with or without a plan, but with all of your heart and soul. Make something you think is awesome, even if upon editing you decide it’s not the best thing ever. At the end of the day, you’ve still made something new that wasn’t in the world before that point, and that’s pretty fucking rad.

Posted on by under One Hundred Days of Blogging
image

Honorary coworker and window-lurker at my place of employment.

I had planned a post on another topic, but today turned into a series of misadventures all centered around my debit card info getting snagged when I was in Chicago.

On the plus side, this awesome praying mantis hung out at work with me all day. If you stare at the image long enough it’ll probably feel like you, too, were visited by this super-cool mantis. My phone keeps wanting to say praying mangos, by the way, so there’s also that.