An excellent night for thunderstorms and adventure

Those in the know are aware I am still a fledgling driver, having only earned my license back in December of this past year (for the record: I’m twenty-five, and I’m still not ashamed I’d not gotten my license until that point).  After a terribly slow day at work, I’d made up my mind to go on an adventure to Barnes & Noble.  I call it an adventure because it’s a fair distance from my house, and I’d never actually driven there alone before (or at all, for that matter).

The adventure was a tremendous success, which can be accounted for by my spending about two hours meandering around Barnes & Noble, and I considered my adventure officially concluded with a slice of red velvet cheesecake to the sounds of this year’s first official thunderstorm.  I’d like to play up how I really searched for the just-right book to make this outing special, but, in reality, I spent an unreasonably long amount of time denying myself another Moleskine notebook.  Those of you in the know are presently, or should presently be, smirking at this dilemma, because I have a love affair with Moleskine notebooks that borders onto obsessive.  Incidentally, if any of the wonderful people at Moleskine happen to stumble upon this and think, “Hey, I’d like to further encourage Phil’s writing antics in the form of providing him with more of these amazing products*,” I wouldn’t protest at all.  Not even a little.

On a writerly note, I’ve decided to table “Joshua’s Nightmares” for a few days because I can’t look at it without feeling frustrated.  In its place, I’m busying myself with my latest addiction (as of, say, February or so): the Your Story Competition on the Writer’s Digest web site.  It’s a bimonthly competition, and they’re certainly worth the effort as it provides a chance to have your work featured on their site, and/or their magazine, both of which are seen by loads upon loads of people.

I’ve loved Writer’s Digest since my early days in Edinboro, when I would obtain copies from the English Department lounge (sorry, guys, that was me stealing those; I’m not actually sorry, though), so a natural extension is getting more into their contests and so on.  What I’d really love is to win one of those contests.  Or, you know, become an author featured among their prestigious pages.

One step at a time, I suppose.  For the sake of adventure!

* Moleskine notebooks ARE amazing.  Some day I may even think of something worthy of writing in my The Hobbit edition one.  The point is I just really love their notebooks.

Seven Deadly Sins applied to Writing – Envy

Envy is a universal thing, and I would go so far as to say if you are a conscious, sentient being of any sort (I wouldn’t dare discriminate against self-aware computer systems, alien lifeforms, and anything else along those lines), you have experienced some form of envy at one point or another.  I mean, you’re welcome to disagree to your heart’s content.  You know, in the same way I can point at you disagreeing and laugh derisively.

However, these are the seven deadly sins of writing and not the seven deadly sins applied to everything, ever, in the history of ever (because while that would give me loads of blogging potential, it would get tired and I would get tired and, frankly, no one would enjoy that; free torture for all?).  Just to get this out of the way: I actually dreaded writing this particular entry, because it’s one of the bigger ones (let’s be honest, here; writing Lust is going to make me want to jump off a bridge, too), and there’s so much Envy entails it’ll take a good bit of writing to begin with.  And then possibly self-immolation.  Who knows?  This will take a look at how writers can be envious of other writers’ success, their writing, their following (hoo boy), and so on.

Continue reading

Seven Deadly Sins applied to Writing – Wrath

As writers, there’s a lot to get angry about.  That day job you hold down so you can afford having internet, electricity, and the various other things you find help enable the writing process?  Loathsome.  Finding out the document you were so sure you saved, because you know you definitely saved it again before you closed Microsoft word, is gone?  Infuriating.  Going to the fridge to grab that Pepsi you so skillfully hid behind a bunch of weird yogurts with questionable expiration dates, only to discover it’s gone?  Author angry!  Author smash!

I’d like to say there are right and wrong ways to handle such moments of wrath, but given my propensity for long, near-nonsensical strings of expletives at any given time, I feel like I’m not quite in a position to offer such advice.  So I will anyway!  See also: it’s my blog, and I’ll write what I want to.  So there.

The biggest issue with the Wrath of a writer (not the Wrath of Khan) is how writing angry can turn what you had hoped would be good into an utter pile of shit, or you could produce some of your best work.  It’s a huge gamble.  A lot of that comes down to what has a person angry, what they can do about it, and if that anger is something that will end up displaced on some poor, unsuspecting protagonist (spoilers: Sir Tibbles falls down some stairs, is savagely bludgeoned by vikings, and then eaten by a dragon…all because your assclown boss sent you a passive-aggressive e-mail about proper e-mail etiquette).  Sure, you may not intend to turn your romantic-comedy into a horror movie, complete with buckets-of-blood gore, but one thing may very well lead to another.  And another.  And suddenly Mary-Sue’s jaded ex-boyfriend is making all of her possible suitors into tasteful souvenir wallets.  Probably not where you’d originally intended the story to go.

My best solution to when I’m all anger issues and hypothetically punching holes in walls is to just channel it into something I can’t end up hating myself for later.  I’ve done some of my best cleaning and reorganizing when the only other thing I want to do is go Dalek on the general population (Exterminate!  Exterminate!  Pew-pew.).  Or, when that doesn’t seem to help, I always fall back on the best possible option for most problems: just nap it off.  Sure, that isn’t necessarily a fix, but if you somehow manage to wake up angry from an otherwise-refreshing nap, you’ve probably got some deeper issues to consider.  Like being permanently Hulked out instead of reverting to Bruce Banner.

 

Seven Deadly Sins applied to Writing – Sloth

Well, this is awkward.

I was going to write about Gluttony applied to writing next, but then I bought a couple of Indie games on Steam and, you know, played them for a couple hours straight.

Then I was going to write about Envy applied to writing.  Work got me tired and grumpy, then I needed a nap.  Of course, I had to make some food for myself, and after that I didn’t really feel like doing much of anything.  That’s when it occurred to me just how ridiculously easy it is to just put off writing (just like anything else) with other distractions under the pretense you’ll get around to it later.  And later.  And later still.

Thankfully, I’ve fed my face with enough caffeine to power a small industrial complex for a week (and maybe cause my heart to leap out through the top of my head a few times; I’m not completely sure), and so I’m ready to tackle the sin of Sloth as applied to writing. Continue reading

A tremendous night of writing

I’m pleased to say I finally feel like I’ve pushed past some big barriers in regards to writing/working on Joshua’s Nightmares.  And, for the first time, I was able to bring life to two characters who really needed written.

I know, I know.  That’s an awful lot of vague for one post.  I’ll share eventually. 

Oh, and this post was in no way an excuse for me to post from my phone.  Except it really was.

Seven Deadly Sins applied to writing – Greed

I’ll just go ahead and address the elephant in the proverbial room of writing: greed.  You know, all that top-secret money allotted by shadow governments for authors so they can be fabulously wealthy and enjoy lots of fancy garnished beverages (and if you believe this, I’ve got a solar-powered flying giraffe I’d like to sell you for a discounted price of ALL THE MONEY).  Continue reading

Seven Deadly Sins applied to writing – Pride

First and foremost, I’d like to indicate the shiny new linkage at the top of my page.  I’ve finally made a page for “Joshua’s Nightmares”, which is a little ridiculous if you think about it since that’s the reason I made this blog in the first place.  To follow my progress, or total lack of real progress so far, on writing that novel.  Yikes.

On the plus side, I made a good deal of progress in terms of world-building today (while at work, no less), and will be doing a ton of writing for the actual novel tomorrow…so I thought I’d get this written now.  I found myself thinking, “Self, there’s probably some way you could apply the Seven Deadly Sins to writing.”  In line with my last post, I Googled that and was completely unsurprised to find a trillion billion similar results.  Honestly, though, you could Google “Seven Deadly Sins of Making a Seven Deadly Sins of List” and there’s probably results.  If not, someone should get on that!  Moving on.

The first post–this post, of course–will focus on Pride.  This is a bit of an odd one, as pride and writers go together about as well as peanut butter and gasoline do in a smoothie (Protip: Premium gasoline and peanut butter probably do make a great smoothie, though I take no responsibility for anyone who actually ingests a premium gasoline and peanut butter smoothie).  On one hand, most writers suffer from so much crippling self-doubt that Pride (capital p for this post because of reasons) doesn’t pose much of an issue.

However, when Pride does rear is ugly head it often has to do with an unwillingness to make changes to a piece of writing (and, in some cases, accept that a story you wrote may actually just be a stinking heap of needs-sent-to-the-trash-bin-now).  Maybe you sent it to some friends for critiquing, knowing they’d love a particular witty one-liner or character, and you were completely taken aback when that particular gem was highlighted with critical comments.  On one hand, you could let Pride rule your pen and say screw it to those suggestions.  Not everyone will understand your overwhelming genius, right?  Or, more realistically, you could see what fixing that “gem” could use.

What I typically notice, and experience, is the absence of Pride with writers.  It’s not even humility so much as this weird blend of doubt and self-loathing, with a splash of cheap bourbon.  I’ll write, and write, and write some more, and then I’ll look at the finished product and think about how everything could have been done better, or had been done somewhere else already, and how the story itself wouldn’t be worthy, in print, of being used as toilet tissue.  And then editing happens and I might hate the story a little less, or a little more, or just the same.

Ultimately, it’s a weird balancing act with being proud of the works you create, but understanding that everything could use a little tweaking.  Unless you’re infallible, in which case I politely must insist you are actually full of shit.

Google, thou art a villain

I mean, Google isn’t really a villain in the sense I want to mean.  The just-tied-a-woman-to-railroad-tracks-while-twirling-a-handlebar-mustache kind of villain is the kind I want to mean, by the way.

What I do mean is Google is the purveyor of information that can, and often will, make you feel a little unoriginal.  I’m almost 100% sure this isn’t just my standard, run-of-the-mill crazy rearing its ugly head (or heads, because I’m fairly certain that much crazy can only be contained in a hydra).  For every amazing, fun, new, whatever sort of idea that crops up, there seems to be something almost identical (even if only in name) somewhere in Google’s search results.

Surely, Phil, you must have an example in mind…right?  Right indeed, me-asking-myself-a-question-to-elaborate-on-my-point (side-note: I’m not sorry for all the hyphenated phrases in this post; not even a little).  A good deal of my creative efforts and energies will be going towards Joshua’s Nightmare, or that novel (that needs a better name, I think) that resulted in this blog becoming a thing.  I’m finally coming up with bits of a world I feel is a bit better than its original incarnation of “all the stuff located in your dreams”.  That could get awfully Freudian awfully fast, and I’d rather keep this from becoming some sort of erotic horror.

However, I feel like the only possible solution to this is to push past the urge to accept any similar results on Google as being defeated as completely unoriginal.  Mainly because it’s possible to argue that no idea is truly, completely original (no, I will not go into that, thank you very much), but also largely in part to knowing it’s possible to take something and make it my own anyway.

After much deliberation…

…and I mean a lot of deliberation.  Bordering onto over-thinking my brain into a liquid state, easily consumed through a bendy straw.

Anyway, after a great deal of thinking about this, I’ve decided I’m going to give my short story from this past summer, “Death at Teatime”, a home here.  It’ll be in its own post, to follow this one.  In short: I really hope you all (you all being anyone who reads this blog regularly, people who happen upon it by chance, and anyone in between) like it.  I had an amazing time writing and revising it most of this past summer.

So, if you happened to have a particularly bad day, think of it as a gift to cheer you up.  If it’s your birthday, the posting of this story is a tiny digital gift with an equally tiny digital bow.  If you just feel like reading something?  Well, you’re in the right place, too.  Anyway, onward to the story.

As a quick, but probably necessary, side-note: it may initially be a little wonky, formatting-wise, because it’s straight copypasta from Microsoft Word.  Any suggestions for a better method of posting it would be appreciated.

Driving forces in my writing

It’s a pretty standard Saturday night at home for me, in that I’ve got a video game system somewhere I can easily gain access to it (tonight’s choice is my PS Vita, on which I have recently completed Final Fantasy IV Complete Collection; suck it, Zeromus) and I’m lounging in my extremely classy polar bear-print lounge pants.  My dogs have taken over most of the other furniture on the first floor, saving the dining room table for the eight thousand bags my parents brought back from the Home and Garden Show, and the only other noises in the house are my laptop slowly screaming as it cooks itself and the heater as it kicks on once every three hours to pretend it’s working (I wish my job were this cozy, by the way, because if I could get paid to be a lazy ass I would be a very happy lazy ass).

It’s only natural I found myself wondering how many Big Macs in a canvas sack it would take to beat someone to death with, right?  I mean, you’d probably have to have a lot of them.  And would keeping them in their boxes make a difference in terms of the number needed to commit the aforementioned McMurder?  Would it be more sensible to buy less and let them get stale/ferment/whatever they do as they McAge?  At the very least, it’s this kind of thinking that ends up leading to some real, and really strange writing on my part.

For example, and this story will find its way here eventually (once I write it, obviously): I found myself wondering what would the crew of a spaceship do if they found its on-board computer went haywire and decided to replace the outside of the ship with styrofoam (styrofoam is so a word, Firefox; shut up with your red squiggles on my screen) only a few hours before the ship’s auto-pilot takes it back to Earth.  Hilarity ensues, right?  I mean, at the risk of some fictional characters burning up upon reentry into the atmosphere, which I also classify as comedy in case anyone wasn’t sure about that.

Mmmm, atmosphere-roasted astronauts.

Honestly, though, it’s thoughts like bag-of-Big-Mac-Death (not related to, associated with, or endorsed by the McCathedral, Our McChurch of Ronald McSaints, in any way) and how they drive me to write that really fuel me.  They also remind me how getting a degree in writing was really the only viable route for me, because thoughts like that would have made me a remarkably bad therapist.  Have you tried placating the voices in your head with a mallet?  How about gluing a phone to your neighbor’s cat?  No.  I somehow doubt therapy like that would be appreciated as much as, say, writing a story about someone going around gluing things to animals.  Even if it ended up being terrible.