A gradual journey to a new normalcy

Some of you folks may be wondering where the Hell I’ve been. May was, of course, my month-long hiatus from Facebook, Twitter, and WordPress, and it was definitely a learning experience. And then I didn’t blog for the entire month of June, which was a bit less intentional. Plenty of events transpired between the last post and this one; the world continued turning, people kept writing, and life went on (and I have so much to catch up on in my subscriptions that it actually gives me a headache thinking about it).

This post will be about the good, the bad, and the ugly, but not necessarily in that order. Don’t worry, though. A lot of this will be shortened up for everyone’s sake. Plus, really, the good outweighs the bad. It’s a lot more enjoyable to read the good stuff.

May was a busy month. Plenty of stress. Lots to think about at work. Not enough writing getting done, nor enough reading. Other frustrations, here and there, fell by the wayside in favor of bigger ones. The biggest lesson I learned from denying myself Facebook and Twitter is not how much of a time-sink they are, but how quickly I became isolated without them. Yes, I had Facebook Messenger, but it didn’t seem to work as well without being able to mess around on Facebook. The end of May rolled around, and vacation with it.

Vacation was wonderful, of course. I can’t say much for the trip there and back, as there isn’t a tremendous deal to be said about traveling over ten hours in a van with a large dog. Worth mentioning: I couldn’t figure out why my seat felt so uncomfortable. About twenty minutes into the drive, I realized the headrest for that chair had gotten folded over. The actual time at the beach was great and not-so-great. I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten how much I love to swim, or how relaxing it is to stand on the top-most deck and look at the ocean in the distance. It also provided me a considerable amount of time without an irregular, endless schedule of distractions, which translated to lots of time spent thinking. And dwelling.

I’ll Fast Forward through this part of the narrative. Came back from vacation. So on and so on. I’ll be moving back to Carnegie at the end of August. Life goes on, even when it feels like everything has gotten a bit catawampus. There were a couple days I looked at this whole situation as a colossal failure on my part. At some point, however, I decided I was going to turn this whole experience into a chance to improve myself. The big, ugly issues were figuring out my job situation back home (whether it’d be a transfer within my current job or having to job hunt for the first time in what feels like forever). Finding time to move all of my stuff back into my childhood bedroom (which, while cozy, is quite small). And so on.

Let’s focus on the good now, because though this post had to eventually happen doesn’t mean it isn’t any less draining because of that.

Brianne and I saw Halsey, Metric, and Imagine Dragons in concert. Well, some of Imagine Dragons, as the real reason for going was to see Metric. Major life goal achieved there. I *love* Metric’s music, and I think the whole experience was only made a billion times better by 1) them performing Black Sheep and 2) finding out they have a new album, Pagans in Vegas, coming out this September. Halsey was terrific as well, with New Americana becoming a quick favorite of mine. I quite enjoyed what I saw of Imagine Dragons, but when it came down to leaving early or getting stuck in the eternal damnation that is post-concert Pittsburgh traffic, we chose the former.

In other good news, I bought a FitBit Charge HR. A big part of this self-resurrection is getting back into shape. Terrific gadget. Makes getting up off of my ass, eating better, and making sure I drink enough water into a game. When I tried coercing myself into walking more, getting out and actually being active, and so on, my biggest hurdle was not really feeling motivated. I would say I should go for a walk after work, but then end up loafing around the house (like I’ve done much of today, actually, but lazy days are bound to happen). With this, I look at the numbers, I see that I’ve done x amount of walking, and I push myself to do more. I actually plan on going for a walk after I’m done with this post, if only because I feel I owe it to myself to keep going each day instead of falling back into old habits. And it’s a good thing. I’m not saying I want to be in shape to run a marathon, but I’d certainly like to not be quite as well-rounded as I’ve been in recent years. This is a convenient way to jump into the next thing.

My biggest personal goal is to work on not being my own worst enemy. I’ve had enough people close to me tell me I tend to be my own harshest critic, worst enemy, or however you want to put it. Admittedly, there’s enough truth to those statements (Okay, there is a wealth of truth.) that I know I need to get my attitude in order. Focus more on the victories than the perceived defeats. Celebrate my accomplishments more. The really big, bad, and generally ugly one: work on not thinking I’m a burden to my friends.

I have travel plans, near to Pittsburgh and farther away, in the works. I’m sorting out how I’m going to cut down on my debts and save up some money. Basically, everything at this point is a negative that is turning to something positive. It’s just a matter of finding the right pace, not letting myself expect change to happen overnight, and keeping my head above the proverbial water even when I have particularly bad days. That means that, at some point, I need to get back to writing fiction as well. I’m not going to put a deadline on that just yet, if only because I feel like I’d be betraying everything I’m aiming for here and setting myself up for frustration and failure.

I’m back, WordPress. Hope you lot didn’t miss me too terribly much.

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One thought on “A gradual journey to a new normalcy

  1. Well ain’t that weird? You randomly crossed my mind when i was driving to work this morning. I was wondering what the heck happened to you. Glad to see you are alive and/or your corpse has been reanimated by nanobots who are committed to carrying on in your stead.

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