Challenging myself

Or, really, admitting that I’m a bit challenged. I haven’t decided yet.

I have a headache. It has been a trying, busy sort of day. I’m drinking a glass of scotch that was aged in bourbon barrels because I wanted scotch, I wanted bourbon, but I also couldn’t justify that kind of drinking on a Tuesday. Did I mention I have a headache?

This weekend provided a sort of fine point to a murky, nebulous series of thoughts I’ve had lately in regards to my writing. They have been mean, loud, and generally unpleasant thoughts. This point is actually more of a thought-out, nicely worded middle finger to those thoughts because I’m tired of being my own punching bag, tearing myself down, and fixating on the difficulties of writing instead of the actual craft and the joy I derive from it. Case in point: I’m really enjoying writing this, even though it’s largely unplanned, because I am applying no pressure to myself to get it done. There is no arbitrary deadline, nor is there some comparison to other writers and their work. When I hit Publish, it will appear on my site (with all typos that sneaked past my lazy editorial eyes tonight; you may live this once, typos). 

My plan has multiple parts to it, as my plans often do. Part of that plan, I thought, had a really clever, catchy sounding name, and so it makes sense that name was far less original than I thought. I won’t even post it because I Googled that shit and immediately felt like a buffoon. Instead, here’s the deal: I’m reviving Warpt Factor as a serialized story on here. I was going to transform it into a novel, but I’ve changed my mind. Again. It stopped happening the second I tried turning it into something bigger and more complicated, when in reality all I need to do is keep track of things in a notebook, see where it goes, and have fun. Similarly, since I have essentially abandoned my Patreon because I can’t help but feel guilty for asking people for money for my writing (which is beyond counter-intuitive, but we won’t go into that right now because headache), I plan on continuing Tabitha’s Daydreams on here. It’s Book Three of Joshua’s Nightmares. Book Two hasn’t been written yet, so it makes perfect sense to share installments of Book Three. Right? I’m so good at sequels.

In addition to this, I also plan on trying to not put as much pressure on myself. While I’m happy with InkShares as an idea, I think I let myself get too caught up in the need to get published and I fail to find time and energy to focus on the act of writing itself. Obviously, that’s something of a roadblock when it comes to having a finished book.

The take-away points here are that I think I’ve found a revival of sorts in dwelling too much and seeking advise from people who, it seems, know me better than I know myself at times. Also: Glenfiddich 14 Years of Age is delicious.

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