The excitement of a writing breakthrough

Short and simple post ahead, which is probably a nice change of pace from my usual, rambling entries (which are still amazing anyway).  I am very happy to say my bit of writing for the day ended up being a small, but strong, bit of work towards “Joshua’s Nightmares”.

As it stands now, I’ve reached a solid ending point for Chapter 1.  We’ll see how much I like it in the morning, of course, but any progress at this point is good progress as far as I’m concerned.  Now for a bit of nightly reading and relaxing.

In hopes of forging new habits

Or “Help, I’m Experiencing a Horrible, Painful Book Hangover.”

I was planning this blog entry for earlier, and by earlier I don’t mean earlier today so much as some point yesterday.  Then I worked for ten hours, which transformed me into a three-toed sloth with a strong, overwhelming need to loaf about the couch.  I had also wanted to come up with a really witty title about having a sizable, ever-growing backlog of books (that didn’t pan out anyway, because the best I could come up with was “book-log”, and that sounds like toilet humor).

The three new habits I hope to form this year, which aren’t to be mistaken for New Year’s resolutions because, as mentioned in my last entry, I don’t usually handle those well are as follows:

  1. Read, even if only a little, every day
  2. Write, even if only a little, every day
  3. Write a journal entry every day before bed

The first one is actually what waylaid me from making an entry earlier.  Instead of writing about how I have a backlog of books to read, and how I already have some titles I want to add to my library (I’m looking at you, “Vampires in the Lemon Grove“), I ended up reading the two-hundred-some pages of “Dreams and Shadows” I had left (and hadn’t gotten around to for the past couple months, which is a shame because it’s a fantastic book).  Since a bit before my last year of college, I noticed I’d been making less and less time for reading.  Not for lack of wanting to read, and not for using the time for video games or other means of entertainment.  At some point, reading began happening less.  Yes, I realize there was probably an actual, underlying reason for that.  Since I genuinely enjoy reading, and I like to claim I’m a writer (though there is limited proof of this), I feel like I need to get back to reading, and reading often.  The intense feeling of sadness I have from finishing “Dreams and Shadows”, which I referred to above as a book hangover (if you don’t think that’s a great term, you need to reevaluate everything about your life because it is a great term) is something I’ve missed.  Falling deep into another world for hours on end is something I’ve missed even more.  And, of course, those new books I received for Christmas aren’t going to read themselves.

The second habit I intend on getting into will be a bit more difficult for me, but it’s one I need (emphasis on need over want) to get into.  I’m a writer, damn it.  I should start behaving more like one.  My schedule with my nine-to-five job, which is almost never actually 9a.m. to 5p.m. usually leaves me more ready for extended periods of sleep.  That being said, my notebook for “Joshua’s Nightmares” has been sitting out in places where it can make me feel guilty, and I acknowledge how awkward it would be if all of these lovely notebooks I have were to continue to remain blank.

Thirdly, and feeling a bit like a simple variation of the previous habit I hope to build over the course of this year, I want to start keeping a journal daily.  My all-around wonderful sister got me a TARDIS notebook this past Christmas, and I’ve been thinking about what to occupy its pages with.  A couple days ago, for whatever reason, the idea of starting a journal popped into my head.  The idea of journaling then proceeded to buy prime real estate in my head, where it built a tiny, but cozy, cottage, unpack all of its things, and refuse any notions of eviction.  I’m the sort of person who tends to worry a fair bit (read as “I’m a ball of anxiety on a regular basis”), so I thought it couldn’t hurt to have another outlet for what’s on my mind (without polluting Misadventures in Fiction with it).  It’s also a great way to make sure I do at least a little writing every day, though that one pertains more specifically to writing of a creative nature.

Anyone else working to form new or stronger habits, creative or otherwise, and feel like sharing them?  Post ’em in the comments.

And now, in line with all this positive-thinking, new-habit-forming business, I believe it’s time to write a journal entry.

New Year’s Resurrections

Happy New Year, everyone.  If you’re still feeling the after-effects of your New Year’s celebration, you should contact a doctor.  And Guinness World Records, because that’s one truly impressive hangover in terms of endurance.

I’m subscribing to the no-New-Year’s-resolution-here school of thought this year, because my New Year’s resolutions never really stuck in that they didn’t exist a lot of years.  Honestly, I can’t remember half of them.  Okay.  More than half of them.  I don’t remember most of my resolutions.  Moving along.  The short version is I’m going to take 2014 and give it a chance to not be 2013, because that guy was a real asshat.  I’m going to make sure, one way or another, I have a kickass year in 2014.  2014 knows I’m willing to resort to outrageous, cartoonish physical violence to keep it in line (that calender will never know what hit it).

More writing must happen!  My notebook featuring the Joshua’s Nightmares notes keeps reminding me I’ve been a lazy little shit.  Motivation would elude me here.  Sleepiness would creep up on me there.  Did I mention laziness?  The point is I’m going to work harder on being a self-motivated, strong writer who actually writes.  My wealth of notebooks need the appropriate level of love, and I’ve got enough tea to accompany about a thousand years worth of writing.  I wish that were an exaggeration.  I’ve got tea knocking the tea off of my cabinets because its being displaced by other tea.  And whiskey.

Naturally, I work bright and early tomorrow, but I promise more regular updates, some short stories here and there, and better efforts at getting things published because I need to actually make those efforts if I ever hope to accomplish anything as a writer.

Once again, I wish you all a happy, healthy, and, yes, belated New Year.  I only feel a little guilty for it being this late because it’s already crossed the social threshold from “what a thoughtful sentiment” to “well-wishes from someone who clearly spent the start of the year hiding out in some Doomsday-proof bunker”.

Taking a moment to give thanks

I could go on for hours, easily, about how much I cannot stand the abrupt transition from Halloween to Christmas.  It’s partially a selfish thing, as my birthday falls around Thanksgiving (and yes, occasionally, on Thanksgiving).  Black Friday, shopping at all hours, and getting every new gadget and whatsit on the market before everyone else has become such an important thing, and something about that has come to bother me to such a degree that even just typing about it twists my stomach up a bit.  Yes, this is coming from someone who had waited in line in hopes of getting a Nintento Wii years back.

Moving along.  I’ve done my fair share of bitching and moaning this year.  It has certainly been a year of stress and loss, and I have had days when all I wanted to do was cover the windows to get that dark-as-midnight kind of darkness in my room, pull the covers around me nice and tight, and not deal with anything.  I am still grieving over losing Missy earlier this summer, and now I’ve got to deal with Mackenzie, one of my family’s other dogs, passing away recently.

I mention these things because I have so much to be thankful for.  This might get to sounding a little preachy at times.  Not intentionally, of course, but this veers away from my usual writing to a point where it might do things it wasn’t meant to.

As I was saying, I have so much to be thankful for.  Not just the good things in my life, mind you, but the bad ones as well.  Without the bad things, I could perhaps lose sight of just how good the good things in my life really are, and that would be a real shame I think.

I am thankful for having such a strong support system; for a family that supports me through everything, even though I can be a bit much to deal with at times with the snark and sarcasm.  I am equally thankful for Brianne’s family (and, of course, Brianne as well) being so good to me, since living two hours away from everything I knew all my life can be a bit terrifying at times.  I am thankful for my two cats and my dog back home with my family, even though I am still so lost without Missy and Mackenzie (who were, beyond any doubt, two of the greatest dogs in the history of all existence as far as I am concerned).

I am thankful for my friends who are always there for me, when I’m at my best or when I’m at my worst, because they’re the people I know I can always count on.  I’m just as thankful for my friends who haven’t always been there for me, because they’ve reminded me of the importance of being able to stand on my own at times.  Life beyond college has proved to be such a tricky beast, and the things it has shown me about people have been rather eye-opening.

I am thankful for the job I have, and the pay and benefits it provides me with, because it has made it possible for me to move out and start to work on becoming a proper, responsible adult (I mean, as responsible as I can possibly be).  I’m truly thankful for the people I met because of this job, or gotten to know better because of it, because they’re all right in their own rights.  I’m also thankful for the hardships it has put me through, because I’m still here after dealing with them.  Even if a lot of the work-stress has been caused by avoidable situations.

The list could go on and on, really.  Just remember, whether you’re gunning for a new XBOX One, a tremendous flatscreen that would look perfect in your man-cave, or whatever, to take a moment–at the very least, a moment–to be thankful.  If I’ve learned nothing else from this past year, it’s how life is far too short, and so many things that seem like they will be there forever tend to go away much, much too soon.

More importantly, I’d like to wish an early, but very happy, healthy Thanksgiving to everyone out there in the vastness of the Internet.  I hope you all have time to stuff yourselves with delicious food, and spend quality time with family.

Another Tale of Unremarkable Horror

Jacob stomped along, crushing every leaf he could underfoot.  The night, admittedly, had not gone as he had hoped.  After Marcus had left the movie without them, Jacob offered to walk Julie home.

“Don’t want any monsters getting you,” he had said to her with a wink.  Only once he got to her front door did he find out the eye-roll that had accompanied her thanks was more sincere than he’d wanted to believe.  After a fair bit of insisting on hanging out a little, Julie had responded with equal persistence that Jacob spend some quality time away from her instead.  With nothing to hold over Marcus’ head next time he saw the little dweeb, Jacob had what few beers were left in the fridge and a multi-pack of what he referred to as the Z-List of zombie movies; they were so bad they were almost good, but only with enough booze.

That’s when he first noticed it.  That creeping sensation he was being watched, like someone was right behind him.  He had seen zillions of scary movies, and knew there’s always something spooky lurking right behind the good guy at the least convenient moment.

“Try scaring this, bitch,” Jacob said.  He spun around, and delivered a punch to the air that had just been behind him.  Across the road, a group of small children gasped and some parents gave him disapproving looks.

“Whatever,” Jacob said to no one in particular.  He turned around, kicked over a decorative bag of leaves that looked like a giant vampire head, and continued home.  As he walked down the narrow, dimly lit alleyway leading up to the back entrance of his apartment building, the hair on the back of his neck started to stand on end.  He felt the unmistakable warmth of someone’s breath.  It must be Marcus, Jacob thought, trying to get back at him.  Jacob kept pace, not breaking stride as he removed the keys to the apartment building from his pocket, opened the door, and made his way up the stairs.  He spun around, hands balled into fists, outside his apartment door.

“You really think you could scare me, Wimpus?” Jacob said.  The creature stood a good foot taller than Jacob, three mouths full of sharp, jagged teeth dripping saliva on the dirty carpet.

“What about eating you?” it said.  “That’s certainly not a possibility we’d want to rule out.”

Tales of Unremarkable Horror

Thin streams of moonlight trickled down from beneath thick, murky clouds, and the shadows danced around the sidewalk playfully at Marcus’ feet as he walked home from another yearly viewing of the Hell-O-Scream Movie Marathon.  He hadn’t wanted to go.  Like every other year, he protested; asked why he and his friends couldn’t just get drunk and pig out on junk food, like everyone else their age.

“Don’t be such a goddamn pansy,” Jacob had said to Marcus.  Marcus remembered how Jacob puffed out his chest, and how he looked like a great, stupid pigeon in a varsity jacket about three sizes too big.  “If Julie’s going, maybe you can show her how brave you are by making it through all five movies.  You might get some treats of your own.”

After five years of the same commentary, Marcus had learned to suppress the urge to groan.  Hell-O-Scream always managed to scrape together four of the scariest, hands-over-your-eyes sort of movies.  He went, against his better judgment, and left the evening, and his friends, feeling like he’d wasted another perfectly good evening that could have been spent working on a new painting.

As Marcus rounded the corner, the streetlight overhead flickered off and on, intermittently illuminating a shape just behind the bushes up ahead.  Just like in Night of the Blood-Drinking Mangler, he thought.  The leaves rustled, as something shifted and crept among them.  Marcus’ heart pounded as he picked up his pace significantly.  The bushes shook alongside him; whatever they concealed was following him now, and he knew his life would be over soon.  Just then, out from the foliage, darted a startlingly obese black cat.  It flopped across the sidewalk, and then the street, before disappearing from Marcus’ view.

“Shit,” Marcus said to himself, having stopped to compose himself.  He took a moment to be grateful his friends hadn’t been there;  he’d have never lived that momentary panic down.  He resumed his walk home, now with a little more speed and purpose to his step.  The sooner he was inside, with the door locked behind him, the better.

Two blocks later, the front porch of his house came into view.  The trash cans still stood, neatly arranged, at the edge of the sidewalk.  Marcus made sure he’d put the garbage out earlier, recalling previous years when he’d been so preoccupied with the monsters from that night’s movies he’d forgotten, leaving his house to stink of week-old pizza boxes.

It started with a slight shudder of the garbage cans, their metal exteriors lightly clunking against each other.  Marcus slowed his pace.  He eyed the trash cans, suspicious.  Probably just some raccoons, he thought, getting their own Halloween feast.  The slight tremors of the trash can became more pronounced; their exteriors clanged and crashed together as Marcus got closer.  The one closest to him toppled over abruptly, vomiting its contents onto the sidewalk.  Another cat sauntered off into the distance.

“This is ridiculous,” Marcus said with a sigh.  He reached into his pocket, produced a key, and let himself into his house.  The living room light had been left on, but the rest of the house was dark.  A small note on the coffee table reminded him his parents had gone to a costume party, that there was pizza in the fridge, and to have a Spooktacular Halloween.  Marcus set the note down, then made his way to the kitchen.  He flicked the light switch into the on position.  The lights came on, dimmed, flickered, and returned to a moderate level of brightness.

Marcus opened the fridge, found the pizza the note had promised, and shut the fridge door.  As he walked past the kitchen window on his way to the microwave, he caught sight of a peculiar reflection.  A masked figure, dressed in all black, was only a few paces behind Marcus, and it was holding a knife in a way suggesting it hadn’t arrived to help him prepare his leftover dinner.

“I don’t suppose you’re a cat, too,” Marcus said, as the color drained from his face and the cold pizza dropped to the floor.

A bit of writing laryngitis

Or “How I seem to occasionally misplace my voice”.

I have some very bad writing habits.  That’s to say I’m still figuring out what constitutes good writing habits, since there are so many different opinions on the subject.  Not writing regularly, mind you, is certainly not a good writing habit by any  means.  It’s something I’ve not done nearly as regularly as I would like since I graduated from college.  Because of that, I’ve noticed something when I do get around to writing.  It’s one of those creeping realizations that sneaked up and slapped me good and hard upside my (admittedly, at times, somewhat dense head).

I’m losing my voice.

One of the things stressed by a number of my writing professors (or, at the very least, by a number of professors I took seriously and respected a great deal) was the importance of writing often so as to establish and preserve one’s writing voice.  Mine’s changed a great deal from early high school writings, where the strongest tool I had at my disposal was the ability to completely bullshit a persuasive essay with the standard distanced voice high school papers seemed to call for.

The last post, for instance, didn’t quite feel right.  There was something about it that registered, for me at least, as the croaky gasps I’m stuck trying to use to convey my thoughts when I’m losing my voice.  I had gotten accustomed to having a certain ease with writing with my relatively relaxed, somewhat snarky, tone, adding in parenthetical asides here and there as they felt necessary.  The writing, itself, isn’t any more or less difficult; I just seem more prone to distractions and letting the big, bad world of real life push my writing to the backburner.  And then off of the stove completely.  On a similar note, having a small cat walk across the keyboard, only stepping on the WiFi toggle button, is very distracting indeed.

I was honestly going somewhere with this, but then the magical process of me opening Microsoft Word and getting to work happened.

Don’t drink the water (and other recent events)

I’m doing that thing again where I try too hard to compel myself to write, only to become frustrated with the efforts I make.  I end up shutting down as a result.  This revelation brought to you by the on-again, off-again functionality of my left Shift key, which has seen more than its fair share of use in college writing.  Good old Satellite 5 (why yes, my computer is named in reference to something from Doctor Who).  More on the writing stuff in a couple of paragraphs.  A pair o’ paragraphs?  A herd of the written word?  I’m not sorry, but I’ll stop.  For now.

This has been a strange month, with more parts frustrating than good.  The sighs of relief were, by and large, outnumbered by the groans of frustration, and I have taken so many trips to my Happy Place (to those of you in the know: no, it does not involve a place where I go to set fire to my enemies, thank you very much) I’ve taken up dual citizenship.  My car was deemed totaled, and then through the good graces and unending kindness of my parents it was replaced (I got their car, they got a new car, and everyone but the environment won out I suppose).  There were two instances in which I was double-charged in a way that left my bank account missing at least $200.  Not many people I know are all right with that kind of money just floating about in Limbo, and I am not such a person.  Those problems were, in time, reversed.  Most importantly, or at least I’d like to think, I’ve taken the pile of good things and bad things this month has provided me with and understood that the bad things didn’t make the good ones any less good, and the good didn’t make the bad any less significant.  More Doctor Who references.

My household also welcomed a second kitten, now named Meowiarty.  He’s an extremely affectionate little kitty who moves with the speed of lightning and all the grace of someone who is about ten beers past their limit (read as: lots of magical moments featuring little M headbutting walls).  I mention his speed, specifically, because his ability to suddenly be places he hadn’t been moments before resulted in nearly getting shut in the fridge today.  He is also co-authoring this post, sporadically running across the keyboard.  That’s totally where the typos are coming from.  Not me at all.  Probably.
Speaking of authoring and co-authoring and writing and so on (I’m being lazy with transitions; just go with it, people), my good friend, all-around entertaining guy, horror movie enthusiast, and author of “Beauties in the Deep”, Zachary T. Owen, has asked me to contribute something to what I think is still a super-secret project.  I mean, in hindsight I could’ve always asked him how secret this is, but this is mostly a chance to point out how it’s close to Halloween.  There’s no better treat to give, to others or yourself, than a copy of “Beauties in the Deep”.

Unless you give it to someone who is easily frightened, in which case it’s the perfect trick to play.  Win-win situation, I think. The plan, as of now, is to at least have one short spooky story, minus the alliteration, posted as a Halloween treat.  Or, in the event I don’t deliver, I can always say it was a trick.  Joking.  Only joking.  I can think of a handful of people who wouldn’t let me live such antics down.

Funny enough: I almost forgot to include any explanation for the title, which was part of why this post is happening to begin with.  Drawing upon my half-hearted reporting skills I learned from one semester of hating my life-choices at Point Park University, I will take a moment to relay recent Hollidaysburg news.  Some asshole left what is being called a “vague threat” (note: the quotation marks are crucial, as they appear in most mentions of this “threat”), and so I’ve been advised against using tap water all weekend long.  Something about bomb threats in Hollidaysburg, too, but I feel like any explosions would have to be cleared as historically appropriate so as to not affect Hollidaysburg’s overall historical aesthetic.

It’s about time I wrapped up this collection of comments, or perhaps these meandering musings, since I’ve got to go back to what amounts to herding cats before a vet appointment.

A Farewell to My First Car

I’m prone to oddly sentimental moments sometimes.  Like this post, for instance.

I’m not the kind of guy who named his car, or acted like it was a person.  It didn’t have a gender, but it had as much personality as an inanimate object can.

Now, to completely ignore all of that: my little blue 2010 Hyundai Sonata was a magnificent chariot, and it got me where I needed to be.  The news it was deemed a total loss was some very painful news indeed.  That part is a story I’d prefer not to get into, as I still have nightmares about it.  Nobody was hurt, thankfully, and that’s what matters.  The bruising to my ego caused by killing a car I’d had for less than a year, however, is its own sort of injury.

The Hyundai was my first car.  It was the car I drove between driving lessons, and the car I got my driver’s license (far too many years later than I should have) in.  It was the car that endured how many abrupt stops at stop signs and red lights.  It handled sharp turns and wide turns and many other manners of poorly handled maneuvering.  It was the soundboard for much swearing.  I mean a lot of really creative combinations of expletives, too, because people really like coming to, and remaining at, a full stop at green lights on William Penn Highway.

My first adventures in highway driving were made possible because of this little blue car that could.  Even the very first, pants-shittingly terrifying trip onto Parkway East (the Carnegie on-ramp is less of a driving experience and more of a gauntlet of anxiety and suffering).

I went on all manners of food runs in it, and it got me to a good number of good times.  Despite my still quite-novice driving (read as: relatively bad driving), it always kept on keeping on.

It’s also my understanding the accident should have, by all means, disabled my car.  The engine had been pushed upwards, and various other damages had been incurred I would like to not think about should have left the car stationary.  There’s a part of me, though completely irrational, holding onto the notion my car kept going just as long as I needed it to in this situation.  I couldn’t help feeling guilty driving away from dropping it off in a different Hyundai.

There was something truly painful about picking up the license plate and retrieving my belongings from the Sonata (as a side-note: I am sorry, mom and Tom, but I owe you two umbrellas as I forgot them in the backseat of the car; my bad).  Its neighbors had large pieces hanging off, or missing completely.  Out of all the cars there, it hardly seemed something worth deeming a total loss.  The reality happened to be very different from how things appeared at a glance.  The mechanic told me my Sonata was, in fact, the most badly damaged among all of those cars.  Competition included a very sad looking Mustang that was on its way out to pasture (or, far more likely, one on its way to be shot behind the barn) and a Toyota with a completely exposed engine.  Not exactly an honor I wanted.

It was, in the end, just a car.  It was one of the greatest gifts I’d ever been given, a means to further my life (by taking steps towards becoming a mature, responsible adult and moving out, for instance), and so I’d like to revise State Farm’s assessment of it being a total loss.  It brought good to my life.  I’d like to think it’ll end up being melted down into some badass throne I can use again, once my nefarious schemes for world domination come to fruition.  Meanwhile, this is a sad, oddly sentimental farewell to my very first car, the little blue 2010 Hyundai Sonata.  It was one hell of a car.

Slowly escaping a writing funk

I am, at least in my own mind, very good at coming up with excuses for things.  There are times in college when I couldn’t go to the bar because I had some big writing project due and I’d not started on it, which often involved a raid in World of Warcraft that required my attention.  I’ve excused myself from social obligations with some groups of friends to make my way to other ones in similar ways.

Lately I’ve been making excuses for not writing.  Work has me so tired, and I just can’t get my brain out of this fog.  My days off are so full of errands and household chores, and I do want to relax a little.  To properly appreciate those last couple sentences, imagine how hard I was kicking myself while I wrote them.  They’re lousy excuses, and they make me feel lousy.  Hell, even as I type this I’m trying to not say how being all tired and foggy after work is totally a legitimate excuse, and I shouldn’t feel as bad about it, which is and isn’t true in equal parts.

I bring these things up because, and I am a bit embarrassed to admit this, I have publishing envy as of late.  Two of my good friends are published authors, and I know more people than that who have been published in the past.  On its own, that feeling of envy is bad enough (only made worse by how annoyed I become with myself for feeling such jealousy).  And then there’s my magnificent, well-known tendency to be my own worst critic.  Yes.  Just like every other person who creates.  I’m aware.  I look at my writing, then at the works of other writers (published or not).  I get that feeling of never being quite as good with the written word, or a sense of how the stench of my overwhelming mediocrity could easily be used to fumigate a medium-sized house on a good day, and an opulent mansion on some of my worse ones.

The plan is to stop.  Stop with the envy, and the days of fretting my writing being bad.  Definitely the excuses (I mean, in regards to writing; no promises elsewhere).  At the very least, I’m going to work on remedying these things.  On a related note: I have what I think is a pretty cool idea for a scary story.  It’s almost October, which means I need to get ready for my usual month-long celebration of all things Halloween (read as I will be eating so much candy corn and caramel apple lollipops that all dentists within a five mile radius of my house will feel a sense of overwhelming dread).  What better way to get in the Halloween spirit than scary stories?

And other story and writing ideas have cropped up, too.  In short: onwards to MS Word!