Author Archives: fictionalpenguin

One Hundred Days of Blogging – Day Thirteen

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“Happy Monday!” – said no sane person in the history of the planet. What is it about Mondays that make me want to apply a cattle prod to people’s eyeballs? I mean, sure, most people approach Monday with all the charm and cheer of Garfield (or, if you’re feeling a bit surreal, Garfield Without Garfield). That’s probably not helping anyone.

Maybe it’s because a weekly adventure at The Wacky Shack may involve watching The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, if only because Brianne watches it while chatting with her friends about how bad it is (and other things that actually matter). These shows are a special kind of Hell, and they certainly only contribute to the Monday miasma of shittiness. No, WordPress, I don’t mean skittishness back there. I can’t judge them for their Monday night television choices, because I’ve got plenty of guilty pleasures, too (arguably not nearly as bad as watching The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, but I suppose that’s a bit subjective).

This post has been lurking around in the back of my thoughts for a while, and so I’m going to put it to work. Shameless geekery ahead. Continue reading →

This Week in Misadventures – A Self-Intervention

Posted on by under Misadventures in Fiction, Misadventures in Non-Fiction

Oh, hey. It’s Sunday, which normally means it’s time for me to stumble through all of the writing, reading, and other nutty antics I’ve gotten into throughout the past week, highlighting both victories and failures alike. I enjoy those posts, because they were a start to me making sure I was regular (toilet humor goes here) with posting to Misadventures In Fiction while also making sure I kept up with my writing, reading, and…miscellaneous antics? Whatever. Continue reading →

One Hundred Days of Blogging – Day Twelve

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Today’s the first time in a long time I’ve slept in on my day off. I mean actually, properly slept in. Woke up at 10a.m. and everything. As it turns out, my body no longer likes sleeping in, so it was less of a pleasant series of stretches as I woke from my peaceful slumber, and more like me slowly dragging my ass out of bed when I realized I’d definitely slept far too late for my own good.

I miss the days of staying up until 5a.m. for any number of reasons, followed by sleeping until noon. Except not really. I’m full of self-contradicting shit today because it’s almost 1p.m. and I chose writing and breakfast over showering, so I’m probably the most disgusting person alive right now.

As promised, I’m going to write at least twenty short stories for this blogging misadventure I’ve embarked on, and I’d hate to make myself a liar. Before I get too caught up in how happy I am with this story, overall, despite the high chances it still has a couple typos, I need to point out two things.

Thing One – The stories I’m posting here are, in all probability, first drafts with only some polishing from my editing efforts. I miss a lot of my own screw-ups, but this feels like my best option given the time restraints I have imposed upon myself.

Thing Two – In the event I miss a Day of Blogging, I will rest the counter back to Day One, and then sob uncontrollably for at least an hour for being such a complete and utter failure. And because starting over and doing anything for one hundred days sounds like a special kind of Sisyphusian Hell.

Speaking of Hell, here’s today’s post/story. Enjoy, and I apologize for my slightly-more-vulgar-than-usual language (only to my relatives who may be unaware I use such foul words). Continue reading →

One Hundred Days of Blogging – Day Eleven

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Today’s post is certainly cutting it close to the deadline, but I’m mostly okay with that. Probably. Maybe freaking out a little. However, this late posting is partially thanks to going out for ice cream and watching unexpected fireworks, and suddenly I have an unexpected lead-in to the topic I’d wanted to write about.

The Universe works in mysterious ways, while I speak this rhyme of clichés? Yeah. Let’s go ahead and wipe that last sentence from our collective memory. No looking back. Don’t you dare, damn it. Continue reading →

One Hundred Days of Blogging – Day Ten

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Today was a frustrating day, with much potential wasted thanks to a lingering writing funk. The writing funk made a peculiar transition to a different issue, in which I had three short stories fighting for my attention at once. I’ve had this happen before, but I could never quite sort it out on my own. I either let it sort itself out, or I just went without writing for a while.

Forgive the moment of fanboying, but I instead took this opportunity to tweet C. Robert Cargill (best-selling author of Dreams and Shadows and Queen of the Dark Things) and ask him for advice. He’s an author, so I figured 1) he would have some pretty solid wisdom he could impart, and 2) he wouldn’t respond because best-selling authors have more important things to do. And then he responded, and I melted into a shrieking jelly-like blob of star-struck dumbness.

He suggested I write the story most ready to be worked on, and let the other two wait. This story, a mini-series just for this project, happened while I was taking a short drive earlier to try clearing my head a little. It was a lot of fun to write, and I hope it proves fun to read as it was a little out of my comfort zone (the humor is more subdued compared to the fantasy aspects of this piece). It’s only the beginning so far, but I promise there will be more before long. Continue reading →

One Hundred Days of Blogging – Day Nine

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Today has me feeling a bit tired, and I know it’s not entirely from work. I took a nap, which turned into one of those naps so mighty it blocks out any alarm clock sounds. And so I awoke, groggy and slightly hungry, to what should be an evening of writing.

There’s a general malaise about me at the moment. With enough effort, I could probably banish it, but it’s one of those nasty little bastards that just sort of leaves me shrugging my shoulders and feeling generally apathetic. Chief among my complaints is being unable to find a comfortable spot to write in, which sounds a lot like a first-world problem. I briefly considered buying a desk, if only because I’m ready to throw my Surface 2 out the window and call it a night.

All of this complaining has a point. I promise. Two points, really, because it does serve as some small level of venting (which would be going much more easily if my godddamned mouse would stop leaping to places elsewhere on the screen). It also helps me get to the topic, which wasn’t the planned topic, for today’s post. Continue reading →

One Hundred Days of Blogging – Day Eight

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I’m at that point in the summer where I can’t live in the present. Just isn’t happening. My vacation is over a month away, and my focus is fixed on it without possibility of being shifted elsewhere. It’s a real pain in the ass when it comes to being creative, but I’m still finding plenty of energy there. And for work. And for Tweeting. I sure as hell don’t get enough sleep, but I figure that’s an acceptable sacrifice.

My car passed its inspection, and I am tremendously excited and anxious about my impending trip to Chicago. And so this will be one of the (probably many) non-writing posts. Continue reading →

One Hundred Days of Blogging – Day Seven

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It’s my day off, and I’m currently spending it waiting, quite anxiously, for my car to be inspected. My default mindset is that the mechanic will no doubt find at least ten somethings wrong with my little black Toyota Corolla. At least five of those things will be problems of a cataclysmic order, which will require special parts to be shipped in from overseas or across galaxies, and they will be very expensive and time-consuming to fix.

Maybe I’m being a little ridiculous. Only a little.

The walk back from the garage was nice. Here are some fun observations I made, and general thoughts I had, between dropping my car off and getting home.

  1. Hm. Was it supposed to rain today? Shit. I should’ve checked the weather.
  2. The buildings in Hollidaysburg are really charming.
  3. I hope I didn’t forget anything important for the inspection. Did I tell them I’m going on a trip in August? Yeah, I think so.
  4. Shit. It’s starting to rain.
  5. When did my house get so damn far away?
  6. The obvious joke to make is how I’m perfectly in shape, except that the shape in question is a pear. Or a hippopotamus, if they can be considered a shape.
  7. Thanks, guy who parked right on the crosswalk. Very helpful of you.
  8. Better call Brianne, because someone made me leave my house key on my car keys. What an asshole.

There were other thoughts and observations, too, but my trip back home from dropping my car off isn’t t0day’s focus (though it might as well be with how much time I devoted to it). Continue reading →

One Hundred Days of Blogging – Day Six

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The only appropriate way to read this post is while listening to Eiffel 65’s “Blue (Da Ba Dee)” with your best POGS sitting next to you. That’s right, folks, this is the well-overdo Pokemon celebration post in honor of my 150th and 151st posts.

I got briefly side-tracked by an overwhelming level of stupid that will not be brought up any further in this post. Continue reading →

Girls Make Games Kickstarter – Show it some love, people!

Posted on by under Shameless Shilling, SRS BSNS BLAHGING

It’s late, and I’m tired, but I get really enthusiastic when I see people working on thing they’re passionate about. This is not news. This is news worth staying up for and sharing, and I’m a guy who loves sleep on the same level as Rip Van Winkle.

Girls Make Games is dedicated to getting more girls into making video games, which is an absolutely fantastic goal. The gaming industry brings in billions annually, and yet women only make up so much of this monster of an industry. Which is a damn shame. It’s 2014, people. The age of things being treated as a boys-only club needs to be sent off, but not after a stern talking-to for being a touch backwards.

The Kickstarter

If I urge you, dear readers, to support a single Kickstarter this year, let it be this one.

Step 1 – Click this link > https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2020158234/girls-make-games-grand-prize-winner?ref=discovery

Step 2 – Donate, and donate generously. This is a step in the right direction for the video game industry.

Step 3 – Encourage other people to donate, and donate generously.

Step 4 – Look forward to a future featuring a better-balanced video game industry.

Brilliant, fantastic people who do terrific things they are passionate about should not be turned away because of who they are, whether that’s related to their gender, gender identity, race, sexuality, beliefs, and so on. If potato salad can succeed on Kickstarter so well, imagine how awesome this one could do. More importantly, think of how it’s more than just the promise of food poisoning.

What are you waiting for? Go donate! In case you need the link again, click here.