Seven Deadly Sins applied to writing – Pride

First and foremost, I’d like to indicate the shiny new linkage at the top of my page.  I’ve finally made a page for “Joshua’s Nightmares”, which is a little ridiculous if you think about it since that’s the reason I made this blog in the first place.  To follow my progress, or total lack of real progress so far, on writing that novel.  Yikes.

On the plus side, I made a good deal of progress in terms of world-building today (while at work, no less), and will be doing a ton of writing for the actual novel tomorrow…so I thought I’d get this written now.  I found myself thinking, “Self, there’s probably some way you could apply the Seven Deadly Sins to writing.”  In line with my last post, I Googled that and was completely unsurprised to find a trillion billion similar results.  Honestly, though, you could Google “Seven Deadly Sins of Making a Seven Deadly Sins of List” and there’s probably results.  If not, someone should get on that!  Moving on.

The first post–this post, of course–will focus on Pride.  This is a bit of an odd one, as pride and writers go together about as well as peanut butter and gasoline do in a smoothie (Protip: Premium gasoline and peanut butter probably do make a great smoothie, though I take no responsibility for anyone who actually ingests a premium gasoline and peanut butter smoothie).  On one hand, most writers suffer from so much crippling self-doubt that Pride (capital p for this post because of reasons) doesn’t pose much of an issue.

However, when Pride does rear is ugly head it often has to do with an unwillingness to make changes to a piece of writing (and, in some cases, accept that a story you wrote may actually just be a stinking heap of needs-sent-to-the-trash-bin-now).  Maybe you sent it to some friends for critiquing, knowing they’d love a particular witty one-liner or character, and you were completely taken aback when that particular gem was highlighted with critical comments.  On one hand, you could let Pride rule your pen and say screw it to those suggestions.  Not everyone will understand your overwhelming genius, right?  Or, more realistically, you could see what fixing that “gem” could use.

What I typically notice, and experience, is the absence of Pride with writers.  It’s not even humility so much as this weird blend of doubt and self-loathing, with a splash of cheap bourbon.  I’ll write, and write, and write some more, and then I’ll look at the finished product and think about how everything could have been done better, or had been done somewhere else already, and how the story itself wouldn’t be worthy, in print, of being used as toilet tissue.  And then editing happens and I might hate the story a little less, or a little more, or just the same.

Ultimately, it’s a weird balancing act with being proud of the works you create, but understanding that everything could use a little tweaking.  Unless you’re infallible, in which case I politely must insist you are actually full of shit.

Google, thou art a villain

I mean, Google isn’t really a villain in the sense I want to mean.  The just-tied-a-woman-to-railroad-tracks-while-twirling-a-handlebar-mustache kind of villain is the kind I want to mean, by the way.

What I do mean is Google is the purveyor of information that can, and often will, make you feel a little unoriginal.  I’m almost 100% sure this isn’t just my standard, run-of-the-mill crazy rearing its ugly head (or heads, because I’m fairly certain that much crazy can only be contained in a hydra).  For every amazing, fun, new, whatever sort of idea that crops up, there seems to be something almost identical (even if only in name) somewhere in Google’s search results.

Surely, Phil, you must have an example in mind…right?  Right indeed, me-asking-myself-a-question-to-elaborate-on-my-point (side-note: I’m not sorry for all the hyphenated phrases in this post; not even a little).  A good deal of my creative efforts and energies will be going towards Joshua’s Nightmare, or that novel (that needs a better name, I think) that resulted in this blog becoming a thing.  I’m finally coming up with bits of a world I feel is a bit better than its original incarnation of “all the stuff located in your dreams”.  That could get awfully Freudian awfully fast, and I’d rather keep this from becoming some sort of erotic horror.

However, I feel like the only possible solution to this is to push past the urge to accept any similar results on Google as being defeated as completely unoriginal.  Mainly because it’s possible to argue that no idea is truly, completely original (no, I will not go into that, thank you very much), but also largely in part to knowing it’s possible to take something and make it my own anyway.

Creeping back from a little slacking

I’ve been brainstorming a whole lot lately, which is awesome, but I’ve also been doing that thing where I realize I have way too much junk and throwing it out.  I’m pretty sure my back thinks it’s about thirty years older than it actually is right now, which sucks.

In light of that, enjoy some Of Monsters and Men.  I only recently heard them/of them, because I’m often the last person to learn of new things, and I fell absolutely in love with this song.  And the video for it’s pretty awesome, even if I don’t entirely know what the hell’s going on.  It has a very video game/cinematic quality to it.  Pretty sure I’ve listened to it at least twenty times today.

Enjoy, and more writing soon.  I promise.

 

Some Earl Grey for warmth, and to ease weary bones

…Much like my currently weary bones, as I’ve spent the entire day cleaning and getting rid of things.  Yeesh.

Okay.  So maybe some more shameless shilling.  I know lots of people are familiar with Squishables (I have a mini Squishable Cthulu I bought/won at a charity auction)…However, I didn’t know this gem existed.  How adorable.

I will admit, however, my greatest fear would be getting drunk enough I try drinking this poor little guy.

After much deliberation…

…and I mean a lot of deliberation.  Bordering onto over-thinking my brain into a liquid state, easily consumed through a bendy straw.

Anyway, after a great deal of thinking about this, I’ve decided I’m going to give my short story from this past summer, “Death at Teatime”, a home here.  It’ll be in its own post, to follow this one.  In short: I really hope you all (you all being anyone who reads this blog regularly, people who happen upon it by chance, and anyone in between) like it.  I had an amazing time writing and revising it most of this past summer.

So, if you happened to have a particularly bad day, think of it as a gift to cheer you up.  If it’s your birthday, the posting of this story is a tiny digital gift with an equally tiny digital bow.  If you just feel like reading something?  Well, you’re in the right place, too.  Anyway, onward to the story.

As a quick, but probably necessary, side-note: it may initially be a little wonky, formatting-wise, because it’s straight copypasta from Microsoft Word.  Any suggestions for a better method of posting it would be appreciated.

Driving forces in my writing

It’s a pretty standard Saturday night at home for me, in that I’ve got a video game system somewhere I can easily gain access to it (tonight’s choice is my PS Vita, on which I have recently completed Final Fantasy IV Complete Collection; suck it, Zeromus) and I’m lounging in my extremely classy polar bear-print lounge pants.  My dogs have taken over most of the other furniture on the first floor, saving the dining room table for the eight thousand bags my parents brought back from the Home and Garden Show, and the only other noises in the house are my laptop slowly screaming as it cooks itself and the heater as it kicks on once every three hours to pretend it’s working (I wish my job were this cozy, by the way, because if I could get paid to be a lazy ass I would be a very happy lazy ass).

It’s only natural I found myself wondering how many Big Macs in a canvas sack it would take to beat someone to death with, right?  I mean, you’d probably have to have a lot of them.  And would keeping them in their boxes make a difference in terms of the number needed to commit the aforementioned McMurder?  Would it be more sensible to buy less and let them get stale/ferment/whatever they do as they McAge?  At the very least, it’s this kind of thinking that ends up leading to some real, and really strange writing on my part.

For example, and this story will find its way here eventually (once I write it, obviously): I found myself wondering what would the crew of a spaceship do if they found its on-board computer went haywire and decided to replace the outside of the ship with styrofoam (styrofoam is so a word, Firefox; shut up with your red squiggles on my screen) only a few hours before the ship’s auto-pilot takes it back to Earth.  Hilarity ensues, right?  I mean, at the risk of some fictional characters burning up upon reentry into the atmosphere, which I also classify as comedy in case anyone wasn’t sure about that.

Mmmm, atmosphere-roasted astronauts.

Honestly, though, it’s thoughts like bag-of-Big-Mac-Death (not related to, associated with, or endorsed by the McCathedral, Our McChurch of Ronald McSaints, in any way) and how they drive me to write that really fuel me.  They also remind me how getting a degree in writing was really the only viable route for me, because thoughts like that would have made me a remarkably bad therapist.  Have you tried placating the voices in your head with a mallet?  How about gluing a phone to your neighbor’s cat?  No.  I somehow doubt therapy like that would be appreciated as much as, say, writing a story about someone going around gluing things to animals.  Even if it ended up being terrible.

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

Yes, absinthe.  Yes, I realize how dreadful that pun happens to be.

I could go on about how I have been burdened with my crazy-neurotic fears of student loan debt, or how the effects of having adults use the word “gimme” on a regular basis slowly whittles away at my sanity (which, I suspect, looks like an old-timey whistle or something by now).

Never mind all of that, however, because this is a post about (at least, in part) absinthe.  The green fairy so many people have chased in the past all across Europe, this potent spirit has quite an air of mystery to it.  Maybe it’s the elaborate, ritualistic preparation of a proper absinthe drink; the slotted spoon, the sugar cube, and so on.  Or maybe it was the allure of a drink that caused hallucinations (I kid, of course; I see the world through some pretty magical filters without the aid of hallucinogenic substances, thank you very much).

Ultimately, it had to do with the drink’s association with artists, and their oh-so-quirky, unconventional ways.  And my tendency to give in to my personal whims.  To add perspective: I tried Jack Daniel’s because it was mentioned in Neil Gaiman’s “American Gods” as Mr. Wednesday’s drink of choice (Spoiler alert: going from no booze to straight Jack is, well, a great way to test the mettle of your tongue.  Mine still has a restraining order out against me since that.

Some very basic stats about absinthe before I continue:

  • The particular bottle I purchased was about $62 after tax, all things considered
  • It was 60% alcohol by volume (120 proof)
  • The green color is clearly visible through the bottle, but less noticeable once in a shot glass
  • You should be measuring the use of this spirit with a shot glass
  • Unless you really want to familiarize yourself with intense drunkenness
  • And possibly vomiting (nobody likes vomiting)

I procured a bottle of Vieux Carre absinthe (which, I must warn, is not the least expensive booze to purchase), and embarked on my own journey to chase the green fairy.  Things to keep in mind while reading include that I did not have a slotted spoon, so that eliminated the classic absinthe drinking options.  Google revealed a good number of mixed drinks featuring absinthe also happened to involve egg whites.  Bit of a deal-breaker, that.  Much Googling later, a drink called the Traffic Light was chosen.  It’s a simple mixed drink, and involves absinthe (of course), orange juice, and cranberry juice.  If mixed carefully, a layering effect produces a traffic light pattern.

If you mix it anything like I did, you’ll get a very vibrant pink concoction that smells quite strongly of licorice (thanks to the liquer’s anise content).  The drink itself had a pleasant, sweet taste to it, and left me feeling warm and thoughtful.  It also helped contribute to some really enjoyable live-tweeting of the Oscars.  Or, as others may have perceived it, being obnoxious in one-hundred-and-forty characters or less.

While it may not be the stuff of legend from Europe, I will say the green fairy’s possibly tamer (I hope not, because I fear a wilder version of this would only be suited for simulating intense schizophrenia) cousin has left a good impression on me.

Oh, and I’m not dead from the experience so I suppose I could chalk that up as a victory as well.

A little bit of cross-promotion during my Christmas craziness lull

I’m about three dozen Christmas presents (a mild exaggeration, maybe) and various things behind, so I’m sort of sorry for the lack of updating, but only in the way that I’m sort of not sorry for being crazy-busy trying to get things done.  T’is the season to be a bit crazy, though.

On a positive note, my Wreck-It Ralph review is now up, here, on Onezumiverse.  Visit for my non-fiction/review skills, stick around to check out some really terrific stuff.

And while I’m linking things, check out Onezumi’s web comics, available here.  It’s presently on hiatus, so there’s plenty of time to catch up.  She, along with her husband Harknell and a number of other truly amazing people, founded and run the creator-focused convention Intervention.  It’s a chance for independent creators to get their work out there, to meet other awesome people, and it’s a generally good time.

And, on that note, I have Christmas presents to get back to.  Here’s wishing everyone a safe, happy holiday season.

Forgive my shameless shilling, but this is some pretty cool stuff

For my twenty-fifth birthday, which fell on the twenty-fifth of November (like it does every year, as it turns out, and that sometimes happens to coincide with Thanksgiving), my sister got me this really cool notebook for “Great Ideas”.  I imagine that was largely because there aren’t any notebooks specifically for “Ideas You’ll Probably Throw in the Garbage Later”.  However, I checked out the web site on the back of it and found all sorts of neat goodies for organizational purposes.

Because I like sharing, might I recommend checking out Knock Knock Stuff?  They’ve got specialized notebooks and planners and post-its and even chocolate bars with fun stuff on the wrappers.  Chocolate bars made even more fun?  I dare say I thought this to be impossible.  Just kidding, that’s just my inner, and outer, fat kid having fun.

Seriously, though.  A site worth checking out, and if you sign up for their newsletter thingamajig they even send you a coupon code for 15% off an order of $50 or more (which I should warn is an easy feat to accomplish).  I’d also add how holidays and whatnot being around the corner makes this site extra neat for all of the gift potential it presents (Dreadful, unintended pun; I’m so sorry.).

And, of course, I am in no way actually affiliated with their site, the people who run it, and so on, but I do happen to like a good, fun notebook or knickknack.

I want these because of so many reasons

I happened upon this on Tumblr, and felt it fit the point of this blog well enough (read as “it does not, but I said it does so it now does”) to share.  I also feel like anyone who reads Misadventures In Fiction would be missing out if they didn’t know about these.

An entire book on a t-shirt?  Or a poster?  Yes, please.  That’s just way too freaking cool to pass up.  Since it’s an independent endeavor on Kickstarter, it’s also a good opportunity to help promote artsy-type things by donating.  I can now add having a copy of “Bartleby the Scrivener” as a poster to my bucket list, I think.