Driving forces in my writing

Posted on by under General Bloggity Stuff, General Writing-Related Posts

It’s a pretty standard Saturday night at home for me, in that I’ve got a video game system somewhere I can easily gain access to it (tonight’s choice is my PS Vita, on which I have recently completed Final Fantasy IV Complete Collection; suck it, Zeromus) and I’m lounging in my extremely classy polar bear-print lounge pants.  My dogs have taken over most of the other furniture on the first floor, saving the dining room table for the eight thousand bags my parents brought back from the Home and Garden Show, and the only other noises in the house are my laptop slowly screaming as it cooks itself and the heater as it kicks on once every three hours to pretend it’s working (I wish my job were this cozy, by the way, because if I could get paid to be a lazy ass I would be a very happy lazy ass).

It’s only natural I found myself wondering how many Big Macs in a canvas sack it would take to beat someone to death with, right?  I mean, you’d probably have to have a lot of them.  And would keeping them in their boxes make a difference in terms of the number needed to commit the aforementioned McMurder?  Would it be more sensible to buy less and let them get stale/ferment/whatever they do as they McAge?  At the very least, it’s this kind of thinking that ends up leading to some real, and really strange writing on my part.

For example, and this story will find its way here eventually (once I write it, obviously): I found myself wondering what would the crew of a spaceship do if they found its on-board computer went haywire and decided to replace the outside of the ship with styrofoam (styrofoam is so a word, Firefox; shut up with your red squiggles on my screen) only a few hours before the ship’s auto-pilot takes it back to Earth.  Hilarity ensues, right?  I mean, at the risk of some fictional characters burning up upon reentry into the atmosphere, which I also classify as comedy in case anyone wasn’t sure about that.

Mmmm, atmosphere-roasted astronauts.

Honestly, though, it’s thoughts like bag-of-Big-Mac-Death (not related to, associated with, or endorsed by the McCathedral, Our McChurch of Ronald McSaints, in any way) and how they drive me to write that really fuel me.  They also remind me how getting a degree in writing was really the only viable route for me, because thoughts like that would have made me a remarkably bad therapist.  Have you tried placating the voices in your head with a mallet?  How about gluing a phone to your neighbor’s cat?  No.  I somehow doubt therapy like that would be appreciated as much as, say, writing a story about someone going around gluing things to animals.  Even if it ended up being terrible.

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.

Posted on by under General Bloggity Stuff, Uncategorized

Yes, absinthe.  Yes, I realize how dreadful that pun happens to be.

I could go on about how I have been burdened with my crazy-neurotic fears of student loan debt, or how the effects of having adults use the word “gimme” on a regular basis slowly whittles away at my sanity (which, I suspect, looks like an old-timey whistle or something by now).

Never mind all of that, however, because this is a post about (at least, in part) absinthe.  The green fairy so many people have chased in the past all across Europe, this potent spirit has quite an air of mystery to it.  Maybe it’s the elaborate, ritualistic preparation of a proper absinthe drink; the slotted spoon, the sugar cube, and so on.  Or maybe it was the allure of a drink that caused hallucinations (I kid, of course; I see the world through some pretty magical filters without the aid of hallucinogenic substances, thank you very much).

Ultimately, it had to do with the drink’s association with artists, and their oh-so-quirky, unconventional ways.  And my tendency to give in to my personal whims.  To add perspective: I tried Jack Daniel’s because it was mentioned in Neil Gaiman’s “American Gods” as Mr. Wednesday’s drink of choice (Spoiler alert: going from no booze to straight Jack is, well, a great way to test the mettle of your tongue.  Mine still has a restraining order out against me since that.

Some very basic stats about absinthe before I continue:

  • The particular bottle I purchased was about $62 after tax, all things considered
  • It was 60% alcohol by volume (120 proof)
  • The green color is clearly visible through the bottle, but less noticeable once in a shot glass
  • You should be measuring the use of this spirit with a shot glass
  • Unless you really want to familiarize yourself with intense drunkenness
  • And possibly vomiting (nobody likes vomiting)

I procured a bottle of Vieux Carre absinthe (which, I must warn, is not the least expensive booze to purchase), and embarked on my own journey to chase the green fairy.  Things to keep in mind while reading include that I did not have a slotted spoon, so that eliminated the classic absinthe drinking options.  Google revealed a good number of mixed drinks featuring absinthe also happened to involve egg whites.  Bit of a deal-breaker, that.  Much Googling later, a drink called the Traffic Light was chosen.  It’s a simple mixed drink, and involves absinthe (of course), orange juice, and cranberry juice.  If mixed carefully, a layering effect produces a traffic light pattern.

If you mix it anything like I did, you’ll get a very vibrant pink concoction that smells quite strongly of licorice (thanks to the liquer’s anise content).  The drink itself had a pleasant, sweet taste to it, and left me feeling warm and thoughtful.  It also helped contribute to some really enjoyable live-tweeting of the Oscars.  Or, as others may have perceived it, being obnoxious in one-hundred-and-forty characters or less.

While it may not be the stuff of legend from Europe, I will say the green fairy’s possibly tamer (I hope not, because I fear a wilder version of this would only be suited for simulating intense schizophrenia) cousin has left a good impression on me.

Oh, and I’m not dead from the experience so I suppose I could chalk that up as a victory as well.

A little bit of cross-promotion during my Christmas craziness lull

Posted on by under General Bloggity Stuff, General Writing-Related Posts

I’m about three dozen Christmas presents (a mild exaggeration, maybe) and various things behind, so I’m sort of sorry for the lack of updating, but only in the way that I’m sort of not sorry for being crazy-busy trying to get things done.  T’is the season to be a bit crazy, though.

On a positive note, my Wreck-It Ralph review is now up, here, on Onezumiverse.  Visit for my non-fiction/review skills, stick around to check out some really terrific stuff.

And while I’m linking things, check out Onezumi’s web comics, available here.  It’s presently on hiatus, so there’s plenty of time to catch up.  She, along with her husband Harknell and a number of other truly amazing people, founded and run the creator-focused convention Intervention.  It’s a chance for independent creators to get their work out there, to meet other awesome people, and it’s a generally good time.

And, on that note, I have Christmas presents to get back to.  Here’s wishing everyone a safe, happy holiday season.

Forgive my shameless shilling, but this is some pretty cool stuff

Posted on by under General Bloggity Stuff

For my twenty-fifth birthday, which fell on the twenty-fifth of November (like it does every year, as it turns out, and that sometimes happens to coincide with Thanksgiving), my sister got me this really cool notebook for “Great Ideas”.  I imagine that was largely because there aren’t any notebooks specifically for “Ideas You’ll Probably Throw in the Garbage Later”.  However, I checked out the web site on the back of it and found all sorts of neat goodies for organizational purposes.

Because I like sharing, might I recommend checking out Knock Knock Stuff?  They’ve got specialized notebooks and planners and post-its and even chocolate bars with fun stuff on the wrappers.  Chocolate bars made even more fun?  I dare say I thought this to be impossible.  Just kidding, that’s just my inner, and outer, fat kid having fun.

Seriously, though.  A site worth checking out, and if you sign up for their newsletter thingamajig they even send you a coupon code for 15% off an order of $50 or more (which I should warn is an easy feat to accomplish).  I’d also add how holidays and whatnot being around the corner makes this site extra neat for all of the gift potential it presents (Dreadful, unintended pun; I’m so sorry.).

And, of course, I am in no way actually affiliated with their site, the people who run it, and so on, but I do happen to like a good, fun notebook or knickknack.

Writer’s Odyssey Part 2: Finding which voice best suits my writing

Posted on by under General Writing-Related Posts

Better known as “How Phil wrote a lot of truly terrible, dry pieces of fiction before he started to write better, less likely to induce eye-bleeding, fiction.”

First, however, I hope a happy Thanksgiving was had by all.  I’d like to say I was in a turkey-induced coma.  In reality, the turkey I had chosen for dinner sprang to life, knocked me unconscious, and took me back to the vast and diabolical Holiday Fowl Empire.  It was an entirely unpleasant experience, and I’d rather not talk about it

So back to finding my voice.  Continue reading →

My personal writing odyssey: part 1

Posted on by under General Writing-Related Posts

This idea started rattling around in my head earlier today, when I had more pressing things to focus on and couldn’t get away from them long enough to actually start writing it.  Now that I’ve been whipped into a murderous frenzy by student loan-related affairs, here goes nothing.

I’ve been thinking about writing.  How I got into it, where I’d like to end up with it at some point (realistically and unrealistically), and what I’m doing to see what I can make possible with it.  Of course this also means I’m making the ballsy assumption people will be interested in reading about my life, but I’m also taking the liberty of applying the “this is my blog so I’ll post whatever I want within reasonable parameters because it does have a theme and that theme is not pictures of cats doing silly things” (even if I do love me some wacky cat antics).  I’ll probably even just use the cut feature on these posts so it doesn’t show up as a freaking mountain of text.

Naturally, I’m going to start this series of posts with when I started writing (because this isn’t an episode of Doctor Who, people, and so you’re getting things in a relatively poorly-remembered chronological order).

Continue reading →

I want these because of so many reasons

Posted on by under General Bloggity Stuff

I happened upon this on Tumblr, and felt it fit the point of this blog well enough (read as “it does not, but I said it does so it now does”) to share.  I also feel like anyone who reads Misadventures In Fiction would be missing out if they didn’t know about these.

An entire book on a t-shirt?  Or a poster?  Yes, please.  That’s just way too freaking cool to pass up.  Since it’s an independent endeavor on Kickstarter, it’s also a good opportunity to help promote artsy-type things by donating.  I can now add having a copy of “Bartleby the Scrivener” as a poster to my bucket list, I think.

First proper rejection, and more

Posted on by under General Bloggity Stuff, Short Stories

I took a short, unexpected vacation from a lot of the Internet, and an actual, scheduled vacation to Edinboro this past week, and both of those things proved tremendously helpful.  The latter more so than the former, of course, but that’s because it involved good times with friends (and, of course, shitty fast food and some alcohol consumption).

The week also involved a good deal of editing on “Death at Teatime” because it received its first proper letter of rejection.  I sent it to a magazine titled Bartleby Snopes (absolutely, definitely check out their page and read some of the stories they’ve published, because it’s really enjoyable), and within twenty-four hours I received a detailed, polite, and very nice rejection.  Despite my anxiety over the whole affair, this ended up really giving me a boost to get this story fixed up more and sent out again.  The only major issue I could fix without a total rewrite involved a few odd point of view shifts.  A couple other little tweaks were made, thanks to the very helpful editorial eyes of a handful of people, and I looked around on Duotrope again on Thursday night.  Sent it out for its second go at getting published, and I’m hopeful so far.

Regardless, I’m going to keep at this until I get published, or die of old age; whichever one happens first.

Speaking of Thursday, or Thor’s Day perhaps, I did get accosted by a drunk man who I only know as Thor.  That’s a story I won’t be sharing, mind you, but it’s worth mentioning because it’s one of a few things that helped make this past weekend a memorable one.

Writing and whatnot will resume tomorrow, once I feel less dead from staying up far too late.

Posted on by under General Bloggity Stuff

Submitting a work for publication reminds me a lot of what it felt like to ride my first real roller coaster, which, by the way, was Millennium Force at Cedar Point and, frankly, it scared the hell out of me.

As did submitting this story.  There was the choice: I picked, from the search results Duotrope spat out (a really handy web site, by the way, should you find yourself looking for places to send writing to).  In the case of Cedar Point, my friend chose Millennium Force because he was a weaselly little bastard and knew I’m afraid of heights.  The anticipation and, let’s face it, fear while in the queue, so to speak.  Finally, the thrill of hitting send and knowing, acceptance or rejection, I’ve finally grown enough of a backbone to get this far with something that wasn’t my school’s literary magazine.

Millenium Force actually just made me scream noiselessly for about half a minute before I though I was going to black out, but that’s really where the comparison falls apart (except not really, because I’m actually losing my mind over whether or not it’ll get accepted).

However, after much panicking and worrying over specifics and editing the absolute crap out of it, I’ve finally sent “Death at Teatime” off for publication consideration.  Something I should have probably done sooner, based on the choruses of “It’s about damn time” the news was met with over on Facebook.  Updates on how that goes will follow, naturally.

More importantly, I have ideas for writing, which is awesome since I haven’t had ideas I liked in weeks.  Weeks, people.  That’s way too freaking long for me not to be able to get writing done, because then I start considering what weird possibilities could happen in real life and that’s not good for anyone.

Opinions wanted

Posted on by under General Bloggity Stuff

First, can I just say “holy shit, I am on fire with energy for posting on here which totally sucks because I wish I could put that energy towards something more productive (ie: writing a story)”?  Too late, I just did.

Follower-type people of a writing persuasion, or just a follower persuasion (since you’re bloggers and, as such, writers by association).  I’m considering making the money-requiring leap from being misadventuresinfiction.wordpress.com to being misadventuresinfiction.com.  Unless someone else takes this as a sign to steal the URL, in which case I shake my fist at the heavens and curse your name.  Seriously, that’d be a terribly dickish move.  Please don’t do that.  On a related note, can I just say you follower-type people are beautiful and wonderful and it’s good to have you all around?  Because it is.

Thoughts?  The pros, as far as I can see, are how it’d help the blog have an air of being a little more professional (or at least look a little cleaner), it’d be a motivator for me to get my ass in gear and start producing things (I would hope so, anyway, since the people who have agreed to harass me have bigger issues to contend with at present).  The cons are “boo, spending money”, “do I *really* need a dot com?” and “is this just me going for something shiny because, let’s face it, it’s shiny?”

Please share thoughts, encouragement, discouragement, or even large, unmarked bags of money should you feel so inclined.  I’m joking on that last one, of course.

Unless you happen to have large, unmarked bags of money you’re just so tired of having around.  Then I’m completely okay with helping take care of that problem.